Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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