he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
