If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
