he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
