I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize