we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
