I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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