well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sober January is a disaster.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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