I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
