5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
