i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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