I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
