Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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