just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
