I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
