Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize