Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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