how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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