I wish my penis had an off switch
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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