i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
