If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
high people should be assigned attendants
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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