I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
