New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My life is pants optional.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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