He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
