I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
