Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Soap is not a condiment
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
