Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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