whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it's like iHOP with fire
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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