Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
