Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
