Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
