I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
