If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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