I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
