My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
