My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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