btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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