Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
