I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
