You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
