I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
