Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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