White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
