I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
