I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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