apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
that's an acceptable place to lick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
