Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
