I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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