Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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