Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
