Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
