there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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