For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
