were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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