I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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