Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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