you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
