after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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