I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
